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This year marks a ten-year milestone since the term “disappearing” entered the common lexicon. At the time, the notion that someone could suddenly stop communication with a partner without explanation seemed like the pinnacle of disrespect. We were so innocent. In the 10 years since, finding a partner has only become more bewildering – an frequently fruitless endeavor in awkwardness that is increasingly pigeonholed by social media jargon.

Gen Z, a cohort who grew up during a loneliness epidemic, a masculinity reckoning, and a coordinated attack on the rights of women and the queer community, faces a far messier landscape than their millennial elders could ever fathom. And so their romantic glossary has grown longer and more deranged, with terms like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” testing the boundaries of your sanity.

Below is a detailed glossary to the terms Zoomers is using to talk about romance, sex and the quest of both. To channel one of the recent most enduring online sayings, by the conclusion of this list you’ll yearn to get back to simpler times – because where that is, it lacks “ideological catfishing”.

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The Letter A

Authenticity – According to Zoomers, dating’s ultimate goal is presenting as your true, unfiltered self. Good luck with that!

The Letter B

Avian theory – A online phenomenon inspired by a test developed by relationship scientists, in which you mention something trivial – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and pay attention to whether your partner’s reply is interested or brushed off. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Black cat girlfriend – Zoomers' answer to the “quirky fantasy girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but instead of having short fringe, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend focuses on her own needs while exuding enigma and self-sufficiency. (She could possibly have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Chair theory – This means choosing someone who supports you unprompted. If you walked into a room, they would get a chair for you to take a load off.

Errand romance – A outing where two people connect while running errands, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped people in their 20s do affordable romance in a inflation-era world.

Melting down – Losing it when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can crash out over a infatuation or split, dumping all of your (unrequited) feelings.

D

Dink – Two incomes, no children. Once a marker of 80s yuppie affluence, it refers to partners who choose against having children to prioritize their own happiness. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

E

Vulnerable signaling – The opposite of playing it cool: embracing communication, transparency and vulnerability.

The Letter F

Signals

• Red flags – Personal habits signaling a prospective partner is bad news. Such as calling their exes unstable, bad tipping habits, a fondness for Woody Allen films, a new DJ career …
• Positive signs – These actions confirm your decision to date a mate. Examples include checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal phone use, having a proper bed …
• Odd but harmless traits – These usually describe specific, largely benign idiosyncrasies. Such as being an keen ornithologist, still keeping a biro in their purse, paying rent in cash …

Freak matching – When you find someone who’s just as passionate about documentaries about the second world war or DVD collecting or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who hates the same stuff or people that you do (few things builds closeness faster than having a common enemy).

G

The band Geese – A musical group a typical Zoomer guy is into.

Zombie-ing – Someone who reappears into your life after a period of disappearing.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is affable, eager to please and loyal. The uncommon partner who is adored by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's counterpart.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online community of men so preoccupied with self-pleasure that they attempt marathon sessions, intentionally delaying orgasm so they can persist as long as possible.

The Letter H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A trend describing many women's increasing despair toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An stereotype promoted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and contentedly home-oriented, who apparently has no ambitions of her own other than pleasing her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Ick factors – Random and often mundane turnoffs that immediately extinguish any sense of interest.

“He would if he cared" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else get an incredibly sweet act.

J

Professions – These have not been this crucial in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ideal catch: a preppy, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd seek out partners in sectors they believe are being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: healthcare workers, teachers or counselors.

The Letter K

Making out – This year, researchers learned that kissing has existed for 16 million years. But the days of locking lips may be waning since some gen Z desire fewer sex scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic romance authentic.

Kittenfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your career sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {